Raising Confident Children: 8 Parenting Tips to Help Your Child Speak Up and Be Heard

In today’s era, especially after the pandemic and especially in urban areas, speech delays and communication gaps are prevalent in children. There are many reasons for this but the focus here is on how we approach communication and teach children to speak.

In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Dr Lakshmi Menon, consultant neonatologist and pediatrician at Cloudnine Group of Hospitals in Bellandur, Bengaluru, shared, “Children acquire speaking skills primarily from their peers, caregivers and parents and Learn from role models, including brothers and sisters. “They pick up tone, phrasing and nuances from what they see around them.”

Social Expectations and Communication Challenges

• Children are educated about when and how to speak or not to speak.
• From an early age, children are taught to speak softly, respectfully, or sometimes told to “use your inside voice.”
• Often, children are silenced or told to “shut up” when they want to express their viewpoint, and are told to “speak up” when they grumble. These mixed signals can confuse children.
• In many societies, the belief prevails that “the child is best seen and not heard”.
• As a result, children grow up learning to suppress their thoughts and feelings, leading to poor communication skills. They may be aggressive, disruptive, shy or struggle to express themselves emotionally.

teaching firmness over aggression

• Assertiveness is important in helping children speak up and become empowered individuals.
• Aggressive Voice: Shouting, using loud voices, and using various gestures to communicate.
• Passive voice: Avoid eye contact, mumbling or moving.
• vocal voice: Use a clear, calm voice, maintain eye contact, and remain composed.
• Role models – parents and teachers – can demonstrate persistence and practice with children using role-playing.

Why is it important for children to speak?

1. Standing up for what they believe in:
   • Teaching children to speak up helps them develop strong moral abilities and stand up for what they believe in.
2. Developing Communication Skills:
   • Good communication helps children make friends, succeed in their careers, and understand body language and signals.
   • Encourage children to practice speaking by ordering food at a restaurant or interacting with the cashier.
3. Problem-solving and dispute resolution:
   • Disputes and differences can be resolved by talking.
4. emotional intelligence:
   • Speaking helps children understand and cope with difficult situations.
   • Regular face-to-face conversations with your child can help them rationalize events and find ways to handle them.
5. Safety and Self-Protection:
   • Children who speak out are more likely to ask for help in unsafe or uncomfortable situations.
   • Role playing can help teach children how to react in such situations.

Tips to encourage children to speak more

1. Encourage Self-Expression:
   • Start with age-appropriate conversations, helping children name their feelings (for example, “Are you angry, sad, happy?”).
   • As children grow, encourage them to explain why they feel the way they do.
   • Be patient and let them consider their responses, without rushing to the answer.
2. Let everyone speak:
   • Include children in family conversations and let them express their thoughts and opinions.
   • Avoid silencing them when they speak during the discussion.
3. Give everyone your time:
   • Encourage respectful conversations by making sure no one talks about any other family member.
   • Teach children to disagree respectfully, without using abusive language.
4. Let them figure it out:
   • If they don’t get it right the first time, let them practice.
   • Avoid saving them or solving problems for them, as they learn best by finding their own solutions.
5. Learn through play:
   • Role playing is a fun way for children to see how their words and body language affect situations.
6. Body Language Awareness:
   • Teach children good body language through role-play.
   • Show them how to stand tall, spread their legs, maintain eye contact, and speak confidently.
7. Ask open-ended questions:
   • Avoid starting the conversation with “why,” which can make children defensive.
   • Instead, ask questions like, “What did you enjoy about school today?” To encourage longer, more thoughtful answers.
8. be available:
   • Older children may be quiet and hesitant to express themselves.
   • Schedule one-on-one time with each child, especially in large families, to make sure they are being heard.

There is no magic formula for encouraging children to become more communicative. However, with practice, patience, and guidance, we can help even young children find their voice and express themselves confidently.