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answer : Marriage is like a work in progress, just like we have to give our 100% continuously in a job, similarly we have to give our 100% in any relationship, especially in marriage. With time we are forgetting this, we have taken marriage for granted and have made it a responsibility and are shouldering it. We assume that the responsibility of running a marriage rests only on one person, in almost 90 percent of the cases women are believed to be the ones responsible, whereas it is not so. Both are equally responsible.
Marriage is all about companionship. Now if we cannot understand each other, if we cannot tolerate each other then we should separate, the good thing is that people are doing this. Now separation or divorce is no longer a taboo. People are getting divorced, getting separated, going into live-in relationships.
So does every marriage have an expiry date?
answer: Every thing may or may not have an expiry date, it depends on our perception and how much will power we have to make it work. If someone starts analyzing that brother, I am investing so much emotionally, physically, financially, socially, how much is the other person investing, then there comes a transition. Now girls have become professionals, have started working, they have gained equality, then their expectations have also increased, they also feel that the responsibility of running the marriage should be on the grooms. They feel that they are not getting returns so they part ways.
Earlier people used to think that if we end the marriage, our value system will break and the family will be disgraced. There was this belief, especially about girls, that they would not get life partners again, but now this is coming to an end. Now girls also say that brother, if you both will run together, with mutual respect, mutual concern, mutual happiness, then it is good, otherwise it is better to separate.
Everything is fine in the beginning of marriage, what changes after 5-10 years?
answer: Everything goes well in the beginning of marriage because there are not many responsibilities, gradually the responsibilities start increasing, they are also thinking about the children. As soon as we have children, we become sailfish, that is, we have children but do not want to take responsibility for them, their well-being and mental health start becoming a burden to us, that is why we want to avoid responsibility, this is the biggest reason for sourness in the relationship after 5 to 10 years, this is the reason why now we are moving to live-in. But this is a transition phase, we will come back again, because while running away from responsibilities, people are running so far that they are becoming victims of loneliness.
If a relationship is deteriorating, how can it be renewed?
answer: To renew the marriage, we will have to emphasize on companionship. If your mutual trust, mutual respect, mutual concern remains intact then the relationship will automatically renew itself. If this is a burden then separation is the way out. Of course, people may not understand it yet, but the coming generation will once again realize that making small adjustments in staying connected and committed to the marriage has more long term benefits.
Is extra marital affair the result of this?
answer: Of course, when tolerance is decreasing, our attitude is also changing, what we used to call adjustment earlier, is needed in every relationship. Be it that of mother and son, brother or sister, or husband and wife. What happened was that gradually we started calling this adjustment as compromise and sacrifice, that is why our attitude also changed. We keep comparing how much I have given and how much others have given me. In that situation, we are not able to see all the basic happiness or small happiness which are our long term benefits. Our vision has reduced considerably. That is why we are heading towards toxic relationships.
What is the effect of separation of husband and wife on children?
answer: Children will be affected in both the situations whether you are separated or live together happily. See, the children who are passing the expiry date of their marriage or are getting separated from their partner are their parents who are responsible for it, that is, the kind of relationship they maintained after marriage will definitely be reflected in their children, so it also matters how the parents raised the children. The reality is that children travel the most. His mental health, his social behaviour, his attitude, everything is changing.
If today’s generation is staying away from marriage then it is not on their own. If a child has seen either of his/her parents travelling, then their approach must have been to compromise for the happiness of the children. The child saw this and that is why he does not want to do this anymore. Secondly, the tolerance level is also decreasing. Thoughts like why me, why should I travel, why should I do so much, it is not only my responsibility are coming.
What are the reasons for distance in relationship?
answer: The environment around us is becoming such that we are now becoming socially distant from people. From the first joint family system, we have come to the nuclear family system. From nuclear family we are now single and from single we have now come into live in relationship.
There is no consistency, no stability even in live-in, it is there today, it is not there tomorrow. Actually, sharing and caring has ended among the people. We are living our self-oriented life and mental health problems are increasing because loneliness is increasing. Now there is no such relationship around us. When we are not able to belong to our family, we are not able to belong to anyone in the world. And then what happens in that is that in your bad times, you have no one with you at the time of your need.
Can parents save children’s marriages?
answer: When people lived in marriage, there was a family to support them, they used to groom and care for the children. Children used to get that value system from the parents at home, or from the grandparents or from the extended family. All that is no more. One neighbor does not know the other. Right now children know about relationships, but a time will come when they will not even know what uncles, uncles, aunts and aunts were and what cousins are.
What is the key to saving a relationship?
answer: The more communication there is, the stronger the relationship will be, the biggest problem is less communication, if we maintain it then there will be no problem in the relationship. What has happened, we are spending more time on mobile, mobile is important, but not more than family. First radio came, then TV came, computers came, technology keeps updating with time, there is a need that we take out time for the family, Kajol is saying about marriage, but despite having so much technology, there is a dedicated time for the family in Kajol’s house, she follows some discipline and some rules in life. Where we give time to each other, take interest in each other’s life and communicate, things go well. You who are two tracks of a track, keep moving like tracks. So this is not a marriage and wherever it is running, people have maintained its goodness.
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