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Parents stand like brave soldiers, keeping their heads held high as they protect their children. As our shield, they take bullets for us. As our lighthouse, they protect us from the darkest rainstorms. Always smiling, and sometimes scolding us so that we don’t go astray. Without hesitation, they have had our backs, unconditionally, over the years; from staying up all night when we are sick to rushing to school with our forgotten lunchbox. They have always been our shield. But even the bravest soldiers bleed, and the brightest lighthouses keep flickering. It’s our job to make sure they get the right help at the right time.
The older generation does not relate well to therapy. Rooted in the traditional framework of collective society, they get worried about ‘what others will think.’ As a society that still frowns and suppresses mental health conversations, parents are quick to condemn therapy, claiming it is reserved only for ‘crazy’ people. The stigma is so deep that it prevents many from seeking the help they need. And these disturbing feelings are swept under the carpet every day until they grow and swallow up the entire room. It’s okay not to be okay, even for our uncompromising parents. Here’s how you can encourage them to seek professional help.
there is nothing wrong with medicine
When you introduce the idea of therapy, they feel ridiculed. They may think it is ‘useless’, may consider therapy as ‘unsolicited advice’. Their generation is strongly attached to their beliefs and they may be more stubborn than us in childhood. However, it is important to be patient and explain the benefits of therapy, making it look like a regular health check-up.
open your eyes
Their resistance stems from denial and shame. To break through this wall of indifference they have erected around them, approach them with empathy and understanding. Address the symptoms you have noticed, such as insomnia, loss of interest in hobbies, or anxiety. Highlight how therapy can effectively alleviate these issues, which they deliberately choose to ignore. By facing the elephant in the room, they can gain a new perspective, looking at it from a third-person point of view. Humans often criticize themselves harshly but show more compassion towards others. This shift in perspective can help them understand the value of seeking professional help and begin to regard therapy as a positive step toward reclaiming their well-being.
Validate them
Therapy is a journey that is hard to walk alone. Acknowledge their fears and reassure them. Talk to them about what to expect if you have been to therapy, or if you haven’t, connect them with someone in your family who has been to therapy. When your parent hears the experiences of familiar people, they will feel less alone.
Reiterate medical confidentiality
Talking about emotions in Desi families is an uncharted territory, leading to a feeling of discomfort and fear of judgement. Throughout history, this insecurity has hindered the ability of individuals to be truly free. In therapy, it is terrifying to open up to a stranger, perhaps even for the first time, admitting these turbulent feelings. But you need to explain how privacy and confidentiality are the core tenets of therapy. With regular reassurance, they will feel confident enough to seek help.
don’t force it
Your parent’s readiness must be respected. Pressuring them when they are not ready can backfire and make their condition worse. Respecting their autonomy gives them the right to make their own choices. You do not have the right to choose for them. Trust is the only key to handling this situation smoothly. If there is enough trust and open communication, they will be more likely to consider therapy, knowing that you are there to support them. Our job is to plant the seed; now it is up to them whether they are willing to water it and let it germinate in the shade of relief.
Also read: How to provide emotional support to someone struggling with mental health problems; Expert shares insight
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