How to help children express and control their emotions

According to the American Psychological Association, ’emotion regulation’ is a person’s ability to control an emotion or group of emotions. Infants and young children often display erratic behavior or ‘meltdown’ because they have not yet learned to recognize and name difficult emotions, let alone express them in healthy ways.

How can they be helped to manage their emotions and express them in a balanced way? Attention to cognitive and language development and support from parents and teachers can help young children learn emotion regulation and express themselves better.

Here are some tips that can help children express their thoughts and feelings with confidence and clarity:

Help them recognize their feelings

There are many books available today that can help children learn more about their emotions and identify them as ‘anger’, ‘sadness’, ‘joy’ or ‘fear’.

Introduce your child to storybooks and age-appropriate movies where a character shows a wide range of emotions and attempts to name them. When a child learns to name his primary emotions, self-regulation becomes easier.

During meltdowns or anger, console them instead of raising your voice. If you ask the child gentle questions about what emotion they are feeling, they may quickly calm down and explain what is making them angry, scared, anxious, or upset.

Talk to them regularly about emotions and let them know that sharing and communicating emotions is healthier and better than suppressing negative emotions.

build trust

Whether you’re a parent or teacher, it’s important to be more than just an authority figure. Be willing to listen to whatever a child wants to share with you.

How children learn to self-regulate depends largely on how the adults in their lives respond to their emotions. Not shaming children for being honest and being attentive to them builds trust and makes them feel safe enough to trust you.

When they know they are being seen and heard, they don’t feel the need to throw tantrums to get attention. Conversations at the dining table at home and circle time in schools can create space for children to confidently express their feelings.

set a positive example

Children are astute observers and learn not from what we say, but from what we do. How a teacher, parent or caregiver manages day-to-day challenges, stressful situations and emotions helps children shape their behavior accordingly.

They can learn better impulse control if you set a positive example. Then they learn that there are better ways to express anger than throwing things, yelling, and using negative words. You can also teach them to manage potentially difficult situations.

For example, if they are being bullied, you can recreate and act out the situation and show them what they can do to overcome the fear, seek help if necessary and Communicate with confidence.

don’t expect perfection

It is unrealistic to expect perfect behavior from children all the time. While encouraging good behavior, it is also important not to harshly punish bad behavior as this creates a repetitive, negative pattern.

Encouragement, positive feedback, praise, and attention can help correct bad behavior more effectively. Whether you’re a caregiver, teacher or parent, it’s important to remember that a child is a separate individual with agency and emotional intelligence that needs time and space to develop fully. should go.

Don’t rush children to mature faster than their age, don’t judge them by the same standards you use for adults and be consistent in providing them support and warmth.

Teach them that all feelings are valid

It is important to tell the child that no emotion is bad or invalid. Validating a child’s feelings helps reinforce the idea that it’s OK to talk about everything, even the most complex, difficult to understand feelings.

Children often struggle to express fear and anxiety and this can manifest as stuttering, bed wetting, irritability, etc. If you can’t get to the roots of these issues, consult a child psychologist and remember there is no stigma in seeking help. Child in need. Theater and dance workshops, public speaking, practicing crafts, painting, etc. can also provide an emotional outlet for children struggling to express themselves.

(Written by Rajesh Bhatia, founder of Treehouse, a chain of schools. Views are personal)